Kim Hill interviewed Hamish Keith a couple of weeks ago. At one point she asks Keith if he suffers from “what we women call the impostor syndrome”. I was stunned to here such an accomplished and confident woman put a name to a feeling that has bubbled up inside of me from time to time. That feeling of when are they going to call my bluff? People must realise that I am winging this! Praise and promotions all make it worse. Because it just means more people that I can’t let down.

I have long suspected that most people hear a small grumbling negative voice. The one that tries to convince me that I’m not really all the positive things that I hope and believe that I am. That I don’t really have anything important to say or do. That I’ve fooled everyone around me into thinking I’m sincere, thoughtful, talented. It’s a hint of a voice that gives me just enough insecurity to second guess my own intentions. Of course, we are all our own worst critics, we have our own private struggles and fears. The demons that make us hesitate. I try to live in the moment, for the moment, because I am fully aware and attuned to the fact that this life, this short, beautiful, raw, life is for the NOW and that there is just no guarantee it will be waiting for me in the morning.

I’m giving this way too much attention, way more for the small amount of times it enters my mind, but occasionally that small little creepy voice enters my conscious and makes me wonder, am I a phony?

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