A few weeks ago, I came home from a weekend of navel gazing a changed woman.
For lots of reasons cogs have shifted and turned and something clicked into place. I have managed to penetrate (dirty) the little corner of my brain that was holding onto a load of crappiness. And I can feel myself changing. Over the last 8 weeks I have lost 10 pounds (nearly 5 kilos for you metrics). I have not done any exercise in this time, other than we now have stairs in the house. And I have eaten chocolate every. single. day. I have joined Weight Watchers online because I needed some tools and they have this really easy way of counting calories. I am writing down everything I eat and I stay within my calorific allowance each day. We haven’t been eating out (due to tightening of belts with moving month) so cooking in the lovely big kitchen and eating at the dining table is a nightly ritual (except when there is something good (or football) on tele. Yeah, we is classy).
I am noticing how much our eating habits have changed. We eat a shit load of veges, there is no pasta and sauce cos I’m knackered and can’t be arsed kind of meals. The house is filled with healthy snacks. I have fallen in love with granola. Science Guy has also lost a little weight but really, who gives a shit? I mean he’s a bloke and naturally slim. I don’t want to talk about how many food issues he doesn’t have. Annnnnyway back to me. So yeah, its all about the food and yet its so NOT about the food. I have had a few days where I just wanted to crawl into a Dark Warm Comfortable Hole™. Due to swine flu, I have been hanging around the house trying to do some work and also absorb several hundred pages of academic readings for my last uni paper. Not to mention the stress level increase caused by the Father Visit (part one over, part two commences today). Boredom and procrastination usually ensure I am sucked into the vortex of salty snacks. But I am learning to be very conscious of the difference between want and need. Of keeping busy and fulfilled in ways that don’t involve food.
We’ve had a couple of very short trips to Crazy Town too. Like the time I gained 100g which made me cry and declare the whole thing a waste of time. And the time that Science Guy wanted to buy normal olive oil instead of the low cal spray stuff. And I was all like ‘why don’t you just sabotage my weight loss you unfeeling bastard’. In aisle 23 at Sainsburys. I was so loveable that day.
I have an uber-spreadsheet recording all progress, and all projected results, because I have control issues and need to know what’s going on at all times. According to this it will take me a year (including contingency) to slowly and manageably lose the layers that have protected me and kept me safe, but also kept me small. This body doesn’t represent who I am anymore. I want to look in the mirror in the morning and get Color Me Badd’s “I Wanna Sex You Up” stuck in my head (tick tock, get up, don’t stop…).
Next summer I want to have a photo of me looking like Lindsay. And I do not care what you say. She is a bit skanky but the girl is still bloody hot.
Comments
It is the freckles that do it for me.
Hurrah! Loosing weight and not loosing your joie de vivre!
Science Guy is currently benefiting from being a man who has yet to hit middle age. I remained at a steady 55kg for most of my adult life: at around 47–48 I suddenly realised my jeans were getting rather tight around the waist, and was horrified to see I’d gone up to 62kg. I am currently fighting a daily battle to keep it under 60kg simply by taking care in what I eat; as someone who’s never had to worry about this before I am finding it a painful process.
I wish you luck. You can do it.
And you’re right about Lindsay. Damn.
Oh man. at first I thought that was a pic of you and I was like damn she is hot and also brave for putting her boobies on her blog.
But it turns out you are hot on the inside (hot = smart and getting it together and funny and cool) and you’re figuring out how to get the outside to match the inside a bit better!!!
Good on you for taking control, I wish I had more willpower and awesomeness like you!
But do you want the spotted headscarf too? This may be a little infra dig. But good luck with the downward trend.
You’re so good at putting these kind of things into words.
And I love The Olive Oil Debate of 2009.
Amazing what a difference a few kilos/grams/ounces/pounds makes, isn’t it?
god i love your honesty.
i am at a loss for words.
picturing you in the grocery isle (i so would have done the same thing–probably on the floor with pounding fists…), the spreadsheet, the intention, the unravelling, the soul, the theme song…
you will get there. and THERE may include a kick-ass bod and a sultry lindsay-like b&w, BUT it is also so much more that that.
you so get it. i know you do.
uh huh, lisa
Sas, if you want a free, and maybe better way, I use Livestrong.com. It has a thing called “The Daily Plate” and you look up everything you eat. It then totals the calories, tells you your percentages of fat, carb, and protein for the day, keeps track of how much water you drink, has a place to enter excersize and a bunch of other stuff.
Congratulations on your progress and your increasing comfort with yourself and your body.
Lindsay is hot in this pic.
kudos lady sas. one time i lost a kilo, but i found it again. it was on the couch, right where i left it.
no seriously…
everything in life is in the top 2 inches
its cool you get it
Yes, yes, yes. It feels like you’re flourishing right before our eyes. You can do this – just be gentle with yourself along the way. xx