Once, God was all around
now its a parking warden,
in his little hat.
Punching the numbers
into his machine, bet
he has a wee wang.
There is no excuse
ma’am, you are two whole minutes
over your ticket.
You officious cunt.
Smug and supercilious,
with black velcro shoes.
You could be absolved
if you didn’t take such joy,
spoiling everyone’s day.
And I wonder if
this was what you dreamed of,
as a wide-eyed boy.
Watts once said: any attempt to define oneself is like 'trying to bite ones own teeth'. Anyway. I am an ENTP, a Four, a Libran and a Water Ox; scatterbrained, organised, coulrophobic, messy, hopeful, sarcastic, optimistic, romantic.
I ♡ freshly ground black coffee, travelling on trains, white roses, hugs, finishing crosswords, steak medium-rare, a well-turned phrase, big-brained scientists, the departure lounge, my homemade marmalade on toasted crumpets, hand-written letters, the possibility of aliens, the possibility of god, remote New Zealand beaches, jazz trumpets, the colour red, rom-coms, the information superhighway, organic shapes, the poetry of ee cummings, the Bach cello suites of Yo-Yo Ma, ad-free content, picnics, pay day, and a good night's sleep.
I live London with the techie beekeeping paramour (ash) and the furs (rex & badger).
#reverb10 21.5.800 80s advertising art august break authentic badger bbc big exciting scary plans bitchiness blogging breeding bucket list chiswick life chunky company fail corporate lackey cows design dingledoodies divine ms g diy eats ewok ex libris free the piggies friday five geekage george ginga ninga girlieness haiku home important stuff introspection letters to god london malapropisms mars + venus meme monday me money pit muppets muriel musigasms notanalcoholic nourish nz on the buses orifice packaging poetry politics and stuff pretty princess sas proper science purpose quotes rex riding the grief train run4chch secret boyfriends shed shitey life soundtrack to my life sportiness stateside stories sugar free sas sunday secrets tele the (not very) naked civil servant the australians the dogstar the empire strikes back the paramour the road trip 2008 the universe and stuff things whats been occuring those crazy catholics travellytrips tuesday list tuesday trinkets twins Uncategorized uni stories unravelling weather wednesday wishes welly whanau whimsy womyniness wtf
Haha. Sorry for that rather unsympathetic comment; as you will have gathered, the dreaded traffic warden is a creature that I’ve only encountered once in my life, and that was when I was quite blatantly and stupidly intending to park on a yellow line ‘just to drop something off’. She just wearily told me to Go Away and didn’t penalise me. Partly as a result of this I’ve always felt they’re rather hard done by – sorry it spilled over into your comments box!
Haiku are the BEST! Very nicely done, lady!
if you land on free parking you get all the money from the middle of the board.
but thats still not going to save you from the motel on piccadilly.
roll a nine lady, and see what happens
@simon do you live in the last of the summer wine village? or tunbridge wells perhaps? ;)
You are soooo right – Life in a big city can result in regular interactions with jerks who find sport in causing misery. I love your haiku.
’Tis always the way. People living in areas with parking restrictions and penalties always complain about them, while people living in areas without them always complain about their absence. I’ve tended to live in the latter type of area, where complaints such as ‘That bastard is always parking there, no consideration for others – there should a law against it.’ are more common.
But you are absolved by the ‘smug and supercilious’ remark. That’s the annoying bit.
Great and sassy post.
I must admit to feeling slightly sorry for the guy until I got to the bit about his being “smug” and “taking such joy”. Well said sas.
You officious cunt.
Smug and supercilious,
with black velcro shoes.
Darling sas, you’ve made
these bureacratic nightmares
into precious art.