A dear friend had her second baby last week (yay J9!). And The Divine Ms G spawned the lovely Emily earlier this year. The Book of Face is a veritable torrent of engagements and weddings and babies; generally the Successful Achievement of Proper Maturity. Meanwhile, I am very, very excited about Season 5 of Lost making its way to me by the magic of Amazon one-click.
And that’s not to say that the arrival of Sawyer in ones (post) box should not be celebrated and occasioned, but I am aware that my somewhat transient existence, devoid of ‘real’ responsibility, in comparison to participating in the miracle of creation, may be somewhat… self-indulgent.
There have been times in my life where I have thought having a mini-me to mould and shape and be made to fulfil all of my failed dreams could be quite fun. And sometimes if the planets are aligned and I am walking past Baby Gap, I can see the attraction of dressing the little ginger monster in the wickedest ever reindeer cardigan (with matching hat). But that’s not really a reason to embark on a lifelong commitment is it? And then I think about the choices I won’t have, the soul-sucking sleeplessness, trading proper holidays that involve a very high thread count and shagging in the shower for the all you can eat buffet at Centerparcs. Not to mention the complete destruction of my spectacular décolletage. It all feels a bit meh. But maybe things change, maybe once the fruit of ones loins are in front of one, (in the form of an actual baby), the chemistry kicks in and everything one has previously achieved or enjoyed pales into insignificance in comparison with keeping the squirmy pink thing alive. I don’t know. It feels like one hell of a risk; inserting the baby back into the condom machine, does not result in a refund.
But it has always felt like a potential option. For the future. For when I was done with the Eurostar to Paris for the weekend, or the Saturday morning paper reading marathons, followed by a lazy pub lunch with very nice wine and then maybe a movie. Or the watching of episode after episode of Lost (Season 5) in my jamas, playing the hot Sawyery bits in slow-mo. Seriously, when will these NOT seem like the awesomest ever weekend plans?
What I have realised is that this life that isn’t following the script, is more exciting and fulfilling that I ever thought possible. But I also know that I am not on my own any more. And there are different expectations and possibilities. And compromises. And we have some thinking to do (after Paris anyway).
Comments
Ahhh decisions decisions
I have some thinking to do on the same subject. But have gone all Mondo Beyondo on that dilemna’s ass and written down my dream on a piece of paper and then entrusted it to the mystery. A cop out? Maybe – but this just felt like the one thing that I couldn’t control and it seemed healthy to take the chance to practice not even trying.
Do it
I would love to…I just don’t have the choice
I can’t vouch for the rest, but with a baby you’ll have plenty if time to watch Lost.
They’re very cute too, but I’m a bit biased.
There is nothing more personal than this decision. It’s the biggest one you will ever make (I know you know this). The ups and downs that follow a ‘yes’ match that enormity and most people will tell you that the highs do, ultimately, outnumber the lows. But yes, only YOU know.
I’ll tell you my experience anyway, heh – and chemistry in the shape of hormones had little to do with it, meeting of a teeny soul mate did – former enjoyments do not pale. They strengthen. New ones spring up out of nowhere and drive you insane. The frustration can be evil; the sense of achievement, monumental. You feel everything 100 times more than you did and that’s not always a good thing.
But in the end, truly, there is only love.
And your decision will be the right one, whatever you two decide because you are an awesome woman and Science Guy must be Awesome Science Guy if he’s hanging out with you.
Having my daughter has beena very rewarding experience for me. And I never was a baby freak. I never even babysat. So when I found out I was pregnant, I cried. Because I knew there would be no more jaunting off to go skiing for the weekend (without much planning), that this was bigger than me. I was frightened and scared. But elated at the same time.
It has proved to be wonderful.
But it’s a highly personal decision.
There are always others kids to play with, and then you can send them home…and jaunt off for the weekend.
:-)
Life throws you some curveballs in the shape of babies sometimes. I got pregnant the first time I had sex. Then three years after the first, I had another child, and I loved them both. They are now both gone, and I look back on the years of motherhood as just one part of my life, not the whole of it. Lots of love, but lots of pain too.
I’ve always known that I didn’t want them and I’m very lucky to have married someone who feels the same. This way I get to have loads of holidays and nice meals out and pointy furniture and I don’t have to worry about how I’ll pay for my retirement. Best of all, me and my other half get all the time in the world together and energy enough to fill it with fantastic things to do. Of course, I respect the fact that other people feel differently – if only so hopefully there’s someone to look after me in the nursing home one day.
Whoa, a can of worms.
We decided that if it didn’t happen we were happy just being two…about 5 minutes later there were three of us; Em was clearly in a hurry to join us.
Jo is right. EVERYTHING is magnified. I can’t watch anything with even a hint of cruelty toward children any more – there goes all my crap TV watching. Oh the worry, ‘swine flu’, climate change – what right did we have to bring a little baby into this world? It feels very selfish a lot of the times and that worries me.
But yes, in the end, there is simply love. So, so much. I truly believe she was sent by Mum.
You are perfect as two and you’d be perfect as three, or four… That’s just the way it is.
Cute baby though. I have never wanted them either, and like Mr LS, fortunate enough to marry someone who agreed with my choice. I just can’t see the appeal, however cute they turn out.
If only there was no time limit on that particular decision…
: )
I always wanted children, and due to a bad convergence of relationship timing and medical circumstances, that ship has sailed. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, and I understand the sacrifices I would have had to make with my career and lifestyle and am happy the way things are. But every once in a while I do regret not having a baby. The most painful time is when I see my parents with other people’s little ones and I feel guilty for not giving them grandchildren. Ugh, heartbreaking, but not a reason to have kids.
Don’t have time (or brain cells) to say much more than I totally agree with Jo and TheDivineMsG. Only you and SG can decide what the future holds for you, and whatever your decision, it will be the right one for YOU.
Regardless of my bleary eyes, swollen ankles, unbrushed teeth and pulled-through-a-hedge-backwards-hair, my two make my heart swell and my soul sparkle. Everything else really does pale in comparison. xxx
I’m with you on this. I dont think I do want kids but I’m not going to be foolish enough to say the big ‘never’ word.
Biology is a strange thing and I’ve seen the feistiest most independent of women go all mushy and nesty after years of the same wine-soaked ranting against it.
Nice we dont HAVE to make any decisions for a bit, eh?
Don’t have them, never really wanted them, might regret it when I’m old and grey.
out of my head.
please thanks.
It doesn’t matter what decision you make it will be the right one. Because either you won’t have them and you’ll never really know what you missed or you will have them, the hormones will kick in and you’ll wonder how you ever managed before. At least that’s what Helen J says. I think she’s probably right ;o)
Enjoy Paris!
TP