I have had about seven hours sleep over the last two days. I am so tired I seem to waiver between finding things hysterically funny and feeling like I could cry at any moment. Just as I finish my academic stuff, work goes up several gears. I have spent the week with the now 70 strong team, at a random hotel in the South East planning for the next bit of the Big Scary Project. I have been reminded many many times overe the past few days, that I am working with some really clever people. It’s one thing to have a Phd, another to be called the Global Head of something, but these guys rock my world with their ‘let’s get on with it’, and ‘is there anything you need?’ approach. There is the core team of 15 that I have worked with for the last six months, another few who share the joint scars and war stories of previous project incarnations. There is no need to worry about how they will cope when it all goes wrong (as it always does), because we have pulled all-nighters in the past. With a sense of humour.

Driving home last night I thought a lot about contracting life, that there is this sense sometimes of being rootless, of not belonging, of questioning ones worth – did I really earn my dosh today? I have always considered my career as a meandering down a road towards my true purpose. With every piece of work there is a lesson (sometimes this is just How Not To Be Completely Shite) and as my experiences and skills grow and develop, I feel like that purpose is becoming clearer. Interestingly most women don’t get the top job until reaching their 50’s. I don’t expect that to change in my lifetime. This project is a once in a career 18 months of amazing crazy hell. To build something that has purpose and reach. Something that matters. And I am throwing more and more of myself into it.

As I do I am finding the little voice that questions and doubts gets quieter.

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