In the pursuit of equitable marriage, the engagement ring is an outmoded commodity. Particularly, as Science Guy was super-quick to point out, because only the woman gets one. Yup, a diamond ring is the cherry on the top of retro gender role stereotypes. Its a big, shiny ‘No Trespassing’ sign: the woman wearing it has been bought and paid for (while the chap remains sign-free and is presumably quite easily trespassable), until the wedding. And then there is the nefarious cost, potentially dubious origins, and boringest ever advertising.
The first known diamond engagement ring was commissioned for Mary of Burgundy by the Archduke Maximilian of Austria in 1477. But it wasn’t until the late 19th century, that Americans began to embrace the tradition. And even then the blingfest didn’t really get going until the 1930s when De Beers Diamond Company got their sparkle on. They launched a national advertising campaign (one of the first from the Mad Men) that resulted in a massive increase in diamond sales. And then in 1947 a copywriter named Frances Gerety wrote the ever-quoteable, Bond-friendly line: ‘a diamond is forever’. Ironically she never married.
Until the 1930s, a woman jilted by her fiancé could sue for financial compensation for ‘damage’ to her reputation using Breach of Promise to Marry tort. To be marriageable at the time women were expected to be virgins and so some level of commitment was necessary to assure women that men weren’t just trying to get into their knickers. In lieu of breach action, engagement rings became an arguably more romantic way of preventing rampant seduce-and-abandon scenarios.
These days virginity is not as prized, nor is losing it a prerequisite for marriage; and frankly its a bit bizarre that while feminism has made inroads on many customs associated with marriage (name-changing for example) the practice of giving engagement rings survives.
But then sometimes when I am driving, the light will catch my ring and I get an undeniable swell in the region of my heart. My ring is to me, a beautiful piece of jewellery, a symbol of his love, and the promise of years and years together.
Comments
Ahhh, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend”…
Ooh interesting!
I bought Husband an “engagement iPod” with a message of love laser-engraved on the back (iPods were sorta new back then) when I got my ring.
I’m with Ms G – doesn’t matter how much of a bag of laundry I feel, when I wear my diamond ring (which I myself bought), I feel dressed. Enjoy your sparkler – it undoubtedly compliments the sparkle in your eyes which Science Guy put there.
My inner feminist says: no one needs a ring to “prove they belong to” someone.
My inner pragmatist says: use that money for a fabulous honeymoon in Greece and Italy!
But my inner girly-girl? covets the bling.
Like you guys, we wanted an antique ring, something with special provenance. The ring and its romantic story is something to hand on to Emily. Funnily enough, she has already taken a shine to it. The little minx is such a magpie.
I get all that stuff about male ownership and stuff but sheesh I just love its bling and no matter what I’m wearing or how uncombed my hair is I’m always ‘dressed’ when I’ve got it on.
Plus, I quite like looking shocked when rude people ask how many carats it is. My response is always : “I have no idea”.
I’m so transparent…
And last – but not least – I don’t mind being labelled ‘untrespassable’ when the lovely J is part of the bargain.
I think it is wonderful that you have that ring. I never had one, ever, but then again, we were dirt poor. Now that I am married for (hopefully) the last time, I don’t even wear a wedding ring.