When I try to imagine the contents of my brain, all I can see right now is a Jackson Pollock painting. Big and colourful and alive. And chaotic and messy. Usually this makes me feel out of balance and overwhelmed. And pissy with myself for not being more organised. I have always liked it when my desk is tidy and my priority to-do list is in front of me. So right now I should be feeling scattered. Haphazard. But I’m not.
Here’s what I realised at 17:27 last Saturday: I actually love the messiness. I am my best me when I am under some pressure. I purposefully create this scenario of ‘too muchness’ because I thrive when I am out of balance. I love knowing that there is a smorgasbord of options for the next thing to be done. I like all 5 senses stimulated at once: burn the sweet candle, turn the music all the way to 11, have water and ginger tea, and twitter popping up in the right hand corner, a book to write, a board paper to start, a blog post to finish, later, there is somewhere to be, and Rex needs his pats right freakin’ now. I love having all those balls in the air because when I pluck the one I want to work on, I get utterly absorbed to the detriment of everything else. I get lost, its like flying. But that intensity is only possible because I have the option of other (ermm) balls to choose from.
I have always thought that this way of working was a weakness. In my head I am always attempting to reach a ‘higher state of being’ by having everything in its place. By being ordered. Structured. Together. When really I am strengthened by the freedom: my best juicy work comes out of uncertainty, of not knowing the answer or having the plan. Professionally people pay me to bring order to their endeavour. But nine times out of ten we start with a muddle. I love this bit! And we get really clear, really quickly, by distilling out the noise and the options (balls) and then working intensively on the important stuff: what is the problem we need solve? How can we deliver the benefit? I’m all about delivery – the process does not matter to me. Forethought and structure and deadlines are necessary of course. But mostly we just need to get our hands in the paint.
It is no accident that I do this kind of work. I just need to let go of this stupid idea that somehow my way of working is not valid. Because the proof is in the pudding. And I totally rock at this :)
So dear reader, what are your superpowers?
This revelation was prompted by a little FIRE. Danielle LaPorte is publishing The Fire Starter Sessions on Wednesday 12th of May. This is a digital e-book phenomenon. I have the first chapter and it is dripping with passion and credibility and beauty. That first chapter gave me permission to be awesome. I am so excited to be able to share the pre-order deets. Just click on the link right here:
Please note this is an affiliate link. That means a share of the sales purchased via this link come to me :)
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I do that too. I always have a boat load of options to tackle. Now weather or not I tackle any, is uncertain. I guess I really do like some chaos. Good for you for realizing it.
I’m the same way, I start one project, get sucked into another, procrastinate about a third, etc., rinse, repeat. And I also do some of my best work like this, and I spend most of my day feeling untethered and unfinished and that stresses me, not healthy, etc. I wish I could train myself to be more focused….
I do more when I got the most to do. Give me one job and I will never get round to do it. Give me a 100 and I do them all. Weird, ey.
Love this post.
sas Replied:
I am exactly the same! Not weird at all :)