Eyjafjallajökull is totally awesome! Especially the bit where even seasoned BBC reporters have a palpable nano-second of sheer panic as they attempt to pronounce it (everyone is mostly calling it the Icelandic Volcano). Images from The Big Picture show the fresh eruptions thrusting (ahem) new torrents of molten rock through the shattered ice sheets in the mountain crater, and spewing a towering wall of ash and dust up to 20,000 feet above the mountain. It seems that even Spock’s buddies (the volcanologists) are not going to predict how long the eruptions will continue. And in a satisfying cosmic twist, Iceland has remained almost untouched by the flight chaos. I like to think of the Icelanders enjoying a local vodka, sitting naked in their hot-tubs, and enjoying the spectacular sunsets and natural fireworks.

The sky over West London is empty of vapour trails and the distant rumbling of jumbo jets. I spent Saturday morning potting, sweeping and replanting in our weeny courtyard. With no competition, the birds in the trees behind our house chirped and squawked to the point where I was like ‘ok. We get it. Now can you SHUT UP’. And they were all like ‘try and make us dude’. Saturday evening was spent in the freshly spruced-up outside space in awesome company. While Rex stared down the birds going nuts at evensong, we enjoyed Pol Roger and Wooing Point Pinot, stinky cheese, strawberries and cream. And the most enormous fresh scallops I have ever seen, thanks to Ms Wise’s 5.30am jaunt to Billingsgate Market. Rex’s height-weight ratio (and complete apathy) ensured the survival of all birds.

The best time to solve world events (as everyone knows) is after the second bottle of wine. And we pondered (with our joint spiritual and scientific bents), the Gaia Hypothesis in light of the Giant Ash Cloud of Death and global warming. The Gaia Hypothesis* proposes that our planet functions as a single organism that creates and destroys as a means of self-preservation. Gaia needs homoeostasis, the maintenance of relatively constant conditions, to survive. And so eruptions, earthquakes, floods, tsunamis occur to redress the balance. So perhaps Gaia had intentionally caused the eruption to ground the planes and save (are emissions from the actual volcano more dangerous)? on the carbon footprint?

It’s entirely possible that we actually solved everything last night. But of course no one wrote anything down. Sorry about that.

*I first heard about this idea while under the influence of Amsterdam’s finest, from a travelling Australian who had fully embraced his life’s purpose: to open the minds and hearts of those he encountered, to the power of ‘G’. He wore a Che Guevara t-shirt. And wooden beads. You know the type. From what I understand he eventually returned to Brisbane and took over his father’s MacDonald’s franchise. Way to stick it to the man. Dickhead.

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