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July 21, 2010

the numbers

I cannot calculate the amount of energy I have expelled obsessing about the numbers: on the scale, the calories I consume, the circumference of my hips, the number of reps lifted, the heaviness of the barbell, the miles on the treadmill, the weight lost and gained, the percentage of body-fat, the number of weeks to get to goal.

For so long these numbers have possessed a power over me; they seemed like a sentence, evidence of my success and failure, my worthiness. As though I was constituted of numbers, when really, they are just objective information about where I am, where I want to be, and the road-map to get there. I give these numbers my power.

In 10 days I have lost 2 kilos. 5 Pounds.

And I am giddy. Because it hasn’t felt like a battle, it has been about kindness and curiosity and consciousness. Instead of feeling like a constant tug of war between mind and body, I feel like I have let go of the rope.

I know the numbers don’t matter and yet they are everything.

Nomenclature: shed | 5 Bantering Wittily

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Comments

  • 8:51pm July 21, 2010
    Thursday said:

    :)

    Reply

  • 4:13am July 22, 2010

    love you.

    Reply

  • 8:37am July 25, 2010
    Helen said:

    Yay! Go you!

    Reply

  • 9:19pm May 22, 2011
    Jill said:

    love this. simply love this.

    Reply

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