‘Am I hungry?’
If I answer this honestly, things change. My head shifts, its a different conversation between my mind and my body (these two have not been on speaking terms for some time). It’s a kinder conversation because I am just curious. If the answer is yes, then it prompts more questions; how do I know? Where can I feel it in my body? What else am I feeling right now?
I have realised in just a few days that I am often not hungry. This feels weirdly exciting. Becasue if I am not as hungry as I think I am, then maybe this won’t always feel like a battle.
‘Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day’ ~ Rainer Maria Rilke
Comments
I’ve read all your posts about weight and … I don’t know where to start. I have walked that road sister — 20 years of hating the only body I will ever have the priviledge to enjoy. I’ve gone from a BMI of 43 (yep!) to currently about 32. Still officially ‘obese’, but my cholesterol & blood sugars are great, and I can dance for 3 hours (2x/ a week).
One thing that really helped me in the ‘head’ department was to stop focussing on how my body looked and start focussing on what it can do. Once I stopped comparing myself to idealised beauty standards, and started being thankful for the body I had (and its potential to experience amazing things if I gave it what it wanted and needed), the internal dialogue became more loving and less critical.
In terms of physical change, I finally committed to overhauling my daily habits. This was huge for me, and I needed something really structured (for a while), plus a really supportive environment (local gym) to help me.
So now, although I am far from ‘ideal’, I no longer feel defeated by my body. I am thankful that I have the priviledge of being able bodied and well, and I know I can change my fitness and weight if I choose to.
You are an amazing woman & I am sure you will make peace with this as well.
Kia kaha, e wahine toa.
sas Replied:
yes! you are so right – this has been part of the turning point for me. though i have never hated my body, i just feel indifferent towards it. hmmm this feels like a post… thanks for commenting lovely xxx
With kindness and curiosity, we can disentangle our selves from many hooks. With you every step of the way.
I hear you – I know just how you feel. Someday very soon let’s hope there’ll be no battle at all.
Love you.
I agree with Christine, for many of us it is learning to treat ourselves with kindness. A great therapist once taught me that the person I was ‘beating up on’ emotionally was really just a young girl who had started to believe she was silly and ugly. I wouldn’t dream of treating other young women and girls the way I was treating myself. Food is not the enemy, it is a friend, but like all friends it has its place, and its limits.
I’d like to echo what Christina says – it’s about what your body can do, not what it looks like. I’ve been thin all my life, but since baby, I’m pudgy and soft, stretch marked and heavier than I’ve ever been. I eat constantly. I’m never hungry. But even if I were skinny again, I’d still have goofy teeth, knock knees, be too pale, have tiny boobs, have rounded shoulders etc etc – all the things I obsessed about before baby. I’ll never be perfect and never be happy if I think too much about what I look like, rather than embracing the fact I’m healthy, loved, able to run up stairs, do a forward roll and carry my nephew around on my hip though he’s getting hippo sized himself.
I’ve been asking myself all day ‘am I hungry’? The answer is invariably ‘no’. So I drink a glass of water instead, until I am hungry. Thank you for that. xx