December 17 – Lesson learned: what was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?
Over my lifetime, when love has been given freely it has felt too easily won. I have always preferred my love a little colder, dangled before me. Requiring the chase. Without the fight and the drama, the winning has held no value. As though love could be quantified, like blood pressure or the weight of gold. Adding to this chicken, is the egg that is my fear of being seen. Known. For the cracks in my performance to show. That you might realise I am not all that I hope I am. That sometimes I feel like a fraud. There are days when all I see is that I am weak and messed up and empty and scared. And I want to quit before the spell is broken. Before I inevitably break it. Before you realise that you have been duped.
This year I learnt to let you love me.
I promise to try and remember that this wasn’t always the case during those inevitable moments over the next 100 years of our marriage, when you get on my VERY LAST NERVE.
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And what a lesson to learn… I learned this one right with you, and am celebrating as I read your lovely words.
sas Replied:
hello love! the best thing about this lesson is that i don’t think i need to learn it again. i can’t un-ring the bell :)