The Weekend section of yesterday’s Times had a suitably benign article in response to Lisa Bloom’s new book ‘Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World’. The premise of which: that ‘celebratainment’ is reducing educated women to mush-headed simpletons who use text acronyms as verbs in actual real-life conversations. Bloom has the answer; just need to engage in her ‘Reclaim Your Brain Plan’. And then magically, critical thinking and serious debate will take up the space in your mind usually reserved for lash extenders and the latest Kardashian drama. NB: It is not clear if the RYB Plan can also be applied to men obsessed with cricket statistics and the minute detail of that race where the cars go round and round for elventy-squillion laps.

Anyway, this preamble goes some small way to preparing you dear reader, for the content of this post which is a two-fingered response to Ms Bloom and is namely Five Very Useful Tips For How To Prettify Oneself:

Gel based nail polish. Is it nail polish? Is it gel? Ladies, it’s BOTH. Dries quick as, lasts for weeks and keeps your nails all strong and chip-free. Shellac and Jessica Geleration both have products. There is just something about the ritual of having someone clip and buff and then apply Slutty Red Nail Polish that makes me feel a bit like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.

Trilogy Eye Cream. If I am tired or not drinking enough water, I get puffy eyes; this eye cream feels really fresh and it tightens the skin without feeling like you are getting a Council Estate Facelift. I find most eye creams quite heavy and greasy and also my foundation can flake on top, but Trilogy’s is really light. Smells faintly of rose; the 20ml tube has lasted over two months.

Some Like It Hot body softening thermal scrub from Soap & Glory heats up with movement and has a gorgeous nutty buttery scent. I love that it leaves the tops of my arms smooth and soft – even the weird bit of skin around the elbow (which I found out this week is called the Wenis). Also the packaging is awesomely retro, if a little pink.

Moroccanoil. This stuff is a freaking miracle. My hair is a bit fine so I use the Light stuff; it makes my hair all shiny and soft. If I didn’t have a job I would totally just twist my shiny soft hair around my fingers all day while reading Heat magazine.

I have heard really good things about the Babyliss Rotating Brush but was a bit freaked out by the prospect of my hair getting caught in a heated rotating brush and me having to be cut out of it before it set me on fire (a la The Self-Made Fringe Two Hours Before The Family Photo of 1979). However, I am happy to report this is really really easy to use and the rotatey bit is very simple to control. If you like the effect of a salon blow-dry this is the thing you need to have in your life. I have used this twice and its already paid for itself.

Seriously, you should cancel your subscription to the Economist and totally go buy it.

*post title shamelessly pilfered from the Irascible Ladies of the original

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