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The 6-8pm Monday Evening Absolute Beginners Ukulele, is made mostly of random. John is going through a mid-life crisis (following Wifely Abandonment), and has recently taken up Zumba. The Blinking Woman With the Speech Impediment had spent weeks in Africa last year where everyone knew an inthraument. An improbably large man with a ready smile, mumbled his name and held his teeny tiny instrument in a meaty paw. The Girl That Laughs at Everything declared herself left-handed and spent the next two hours proving that while she could not follow simple instructions, she was an Olympic medal hopeful at Being Annoying.

I just prayed to all that is holy that my inability to tell left from right without holding up the forefinger-and-thumb ‘L’ sign, did not necessarily signal and inability to coordinate my brain and fingers in all circumstances.

Loraine, who had spent the day teaching nine year olds, was still full of beans and very very patient. Within a couple of hours we were playing Stand By Me (though probably not a version you would recognise). I LOVED it. Apparently, its all down to muscle memory: do the same thing a squllion times and eventually it falls into place. I was just getting the rhythm of chord changes, when the class finished.

Tonight I rushed upstairs after dinner to the spare (music studio) room to practise. We have four songs to learn this week, including a Johnny Cash number.

One day I hope to be this good.

Making the chords requires a claw-like positioning of hands while pushing tender finger-tips into stiff wire. This is actually really sore.

Now I know what it feels like to suffer for my art.

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